when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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