the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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