She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
