You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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