I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize