New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
