I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
