your room smells of hookers.
And success
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
