Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
