I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
