And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
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Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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