You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
