5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
