So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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