Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
