I met the friendliest cop last night
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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