I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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