The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
