You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
