Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
