Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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