i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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