they're like a gay fantastic four
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
