Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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