please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
