took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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