totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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