What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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