You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
