there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
