Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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