final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
