I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
