we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
