i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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