Acid is not a monday night drug
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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