how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
