1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
