:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
