I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
