Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
