I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
