i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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