wakey wakey hands off snakey
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
