Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
