Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
