Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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