I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
