so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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