i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
