Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
