made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
