This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
