My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He? As in you personified your dick?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize