I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
