Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
