You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
