I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
