I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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