So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
