Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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