I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
