You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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