mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
