'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
