we're chasing vodka with high fives
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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