Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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