sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
