I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
