the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
