I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
