I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
