I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I could fuck to npr.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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