did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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