i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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