Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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