My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
